Grandparents

The Unsung Heroes

/ stella elaine / Leave a comment

I have three men I think about when Father’s Day comes around each year.  My husband, my father, and my maternal grandfather.  Each hold a special place in my heart, and for different reasons.  These days, I feel that fathers are losing their foothold in family dynamics.  So many children are being raised without a father or father figure in their life, and that is sad.  According to the census bureau, 1 in 4 children live in a household without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home.  I consider myself fortunate for men I have had in my life.  Let’s talk about the lasting effect each one has had on my life.

Let me start with my Dad.  It’s only been in the last few years that I have felt comfortable referring to him as such.  Yes, it’s complicated, but you know what?  Life has a tendency to be complicated, but love always wins.  My relationship with my father was interrupted when I was almost six years old.  My mother, for whatever reason, decided to leave my father.  I don’t know that I will ever know the full and true story, and I have learned to accept that. For years, I would cringe at the saying Daddy’s girl.  I think deep down I knew I must have been one in my early childhood.  And then one day….poof.  I no longer was one.   It is a loss that I feel to this day.   My mother told me recently, in a moment of frustration with our ongoing disagreement as to the true nature of her divorce from my Dad that she knew I would always hold it against her because I had been so close to my Dad prior to their breakup.  To hear about the annual Father/Daughter Dance around Valentine’s Day has always put a damper on my mood.  To see the pictures of fathers and daughters dancing, and fathers showing their daughters how a man should love and respect a woman reminds me of what might have been.   About the only memories I have of my Dad before my parents divorced are riding in the car with him.  I also remember stopping at a car lot with him looking at cars, and I can still remember the car we looked at.  An AMC Pacer.   I thought it was the neatest looking car I had ever seen.  From the age of six until age 11, I saw my Dad occasionally.  I would visit with him, my paternal grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousins.  I reached age 11, and my mother cut off all contact with my Dad and his family.  These were people that I loved, and just like that, they were out of my life.  Life moved on, but it was always in the back of my mind that I would one day reconnect with my Dad and his family.  I reached the age of 21, and I did just that.  Unfortunately, my Granny and Granddaddy had passed away.   My relationship with my Dad was awkward, and had been forever altered.   Little did I know that I would only have another ten years with my Dad.  He passed away from lung cancer just shy of 52.  That is one of my life’s biggest regrets.  We never really re-established our father/daughter bond.  So Dad……I am sorry you weren’t given a fair shake.  Just know that I now proudly display what few pictures I have of us together.  I will see you again.  

My maternal grandfather filled the gap when my mother put my father in the backseat, then eventually out of the car all together.  So to speak.  This is the man who I am sure wanted grandsons so badly, but was blessed with four granddaughters.  He took it in stride, and didn’t miss a beat.  This is a man that loved cars, fishing, bird hunting, traveling, reading, and trying out an out of town restaurant he had heard about.  I hit the jackpot when it came to my Granddaddy.  As us grangirls called him.  He taught me how to fish, mow grass, check oil in a lawnmower and vehicle, hammer a nail, shoot a gun, write a check, buy a car, drive a car and a truck, and most of all, how to work.   He passed away the day after my 23rd birthday.  He lived long enough to see his first great-grandson, my oldest son.  I have tried to carry on the legacy he left behind.  This man from the Greatest Generation made a significant impact on my life, and I am grateful for the time and love he vested in me and my well-being.

Now last, but not least, the father of my two sons.  I can proudly say that against all odds we are still together, and have raised our boys with a mother and a father under the same roof.  I know there are circumstances that prevent that from happening, but I am a firm believer that it does have a positive impact on a child’s life.  At a minimum, a child needs a mother and father actively involved in their life.  To shelter, guide,  and prepare them for the sometimes cold hard world.  A son needs the tenderness of a mother, and the guiding hand of a father.  Children need to see their parents in a loving relationship.  A relationship that has respect, compromise, and commitment.  I have always told my boys that their Dad and I have had our disagreements,  and they have witnessed quite a few, but they have also watched and listened to us work through them.  You might say, we have an effective Dispute Resolution process in our home.  The father of my sons worked 30 years in a job that most people could not tolerate for one week.  He also worked a second job for many years, and cut grass on the side.  My husband and I knew from the get go that it would take love, hard work, and dedication to keep our family afloat. 

 Fathers that get up each day, and go to work to take care of their families deserve our utmost respect.  No matter if they’re the highest paid CEO, a laborer or a garbage man.  They are often overshadowed by the wonderful mothers out there, but their place in their children’s lives is just as important.  Mothers, I am going to say this as directly as I can.  If your relationship does not work out with the father of your children, please do not discourage or hinder their relationship with their father.  Do not let it be your own personal issues that keep your children from spending quality time with their father.  It will leave a wound that will never go away.  A void that cannot be filled.  

As I have said before, life is complicated, but I can say with all honesty that I am better for having these three men in my life.  I hope each of you have or had a father or father figure in your life that made a positive impact.  Make time this Sunday on Father’s Day to give the fathers in your life some extra love.  Let them know how much you appreciate them.  To all the present and hard working Fathers out there…know that you matter and make a difference.  To all the MIA fathers out there…..time to step up your game, and be an active part of your child’s life.  A good father can make all the difference in a child’s life. As Mother Teresa once said…”If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

Love to all,

Stella Elaine

Granddaughter of the Greatest Generation

/ stella elaine / Leave a comment

Growing up, I always knew my grandparents were special.  They were a vital and integral part of my life.  Not until years later when I married, and had my own children, did I realize what a blessing it was to have had them in my life.  I can only hope to be half the grandparent they were to me.  I remember hearing about Tom Brokow’s book The Greatest Generation, but at the time I don’t think I fully grasped the magnitude of how great that generation was.  Now more than ever I consider it an honor to have had their influence in my life. What made this generation born in the early 1900’s so special?  My reading on this topic indicates their personal responsibility, integrity, humility, work ethic, financial prudence, and faithful commitment are the key characteristics that make them stand out.  What are our current generations bringing to the table?  What generation are you from?  What are you bringing to the table? What will be the  legacy of your peers?  

  • The Greatest Generation — born 1901-1924. …
  • The Silent Generation — born 1925-1945. …
  • Baby Boomer Generation — born 1946-1964. …
  • Generation X — born 1965-1980. …
  • Generation Y — born 1981-1996. …
  • Generation Z — born 1997-2012. …
  • Generation Alpha — born 2013-2025.

Work ethic is one that really stands out for me.  My grandparents were loving and caring, but most of all they prepared me for a world where I could hold my own.  I remember being put to work when I was at their house.  I learned to mow the grass, check the oil in a vehicle, cook, clean, wash their cars, and you most definitely did not sleep late.  It was rise and shine each morning.  I began living full-time with my grandparents at the age of 16.  Back in the 80’s most teenagers had a part-time job.  I had lofty dreams of getting a job at the mall.  That was where it was happening, and my perceived place for the perfect job.  I’ll never forget, my granddaddy came home one day, and informed me that I was to report to Harveys, our local supermarket, on Tuesday. He further informed me that I had a job as a cashier.  I wasn’t too thrilled, but I went.  Of course, I dressed in my Sunday best, and prissed on in there that next Tuesday morning.  To my dismay, I was given a green polyester uniform!  I look back now, and I know it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It gave my burgeoning work ethic a significant boost.  I learned how to deal with and communicate with co-workers and the public.  I was making my own money.  I also look back, and know that I am not above any type of honest work in order to provide for my family.  They and the generations before them knew that if you didn’t work, you didn’t eat.  Your hard work probably would not result in you being the richest man in the county, but you would be able to cover the needs of your family.  Just as my grandparents had done all through the years.  A conversation with my mother the other day brought to surface a phrase I have used with my boys numerous times over the years.  It was something that just spilled out when I was trying to give them a pep talk.  My mother was telling me when she was growing up her mother, my grandmother, would constantly tell her “Can’t never could.”  It was a lightbulb moment.  I had long forgotten that my grandmother probably told me the same thing when I was growing up, and it was forever ingrained in my psyche.  

Financial prudence…  Do we really know the meaning of such?  In our consumer driven world? We can’t wait to buy the newest cell phone.  Will it be an android or an iphone?  Are you driving the last model SUV or truck that Ford or Chevrolet has to offer?  Are you going broke keeping up with the Joneses?   My grandparent’s generation worked hard and saved.  I remember my grandmother saying she and my granddaddy did not have any furniture the first ten years of their married life.  One time when we were out driving, she showed me a little log cabin that they lived in during their early married years, and then a house they rented a room in. My grandmother said it was hard for couples with children to find a place to rent.  Most men in those days were the breadwinner, but oh, you can bet there was an equally hard working woman at home.  My grandmother maintained the household, but she also earned money by taking in sewing.  I remember being in my teen years, and by then the really tough times were behind my grandparents, but they never lost the frugality which had been part of their early years.  My grandmother, until the day she broke housekeeping, washed and reused ziplock bags and tin foil.  Something we wouldn’t even think of doing these days. Times were tough, but this generation would stand the test of time, and hit every obstacle head on.  

Humility… another great characteristic of this generation.  My grandparents had both grown up in rural north Georgia on farms.  My grandfather only attended school thru the 6th grade.  He was needed on the farm to help support his family.  My grandmother did attend school thru the 11th grade because that was as far as high school went at the time.  I remember her saying she had dreams of becoming a nurse, but her father said she’d had enough schooling.  That’s how things were back then.  My grandfather’s thirst for knowledge did not end in the 6th grade.  I have vivid memories of staying with my grandparents as a young child, and even as I grew older.  My grandfather would read from the encyclopedia every night.  He was one of the smartest men I have ever known.  There was no such thing as the world wide web then.  Although they grew up on farms, and left them behind when they went out into the world, they never forgot their roots.  My grandfather planted a garden until he was no longer able.  I asked my grandmother one time about the Great Depression.  I had been learning about it in school at the time.  It was presented as a really dire time in our history, and I am sure it was for a lot of people.  However, my grandmother’s response to my question was…”I never knew a depression was going on.  My family lived on a farm so we always had food.”  That really speaks to me now.  Most rural people did not live a glamorous life.  They worked hard and took care of their families. Having the latest fashions or the newest car was not even a factor in the equation.  The main focus was food on the table and a roof over your head.

Faithful commitment , yet  another quality of the Greatest Generation.  They came from a time where your word and commitment meant something.  They married, began their lives, and worked their way thru the good times and bad.  Was it easy?  No.  It never is.  Anything worthwhile takes a lot of hard work.  Days when you want to throw in the towel, and walk out the front door.  There are people that do.  There will always be circumstances where that might be the better choice, but for the most part, staying the course has so many rewards.  My grandparents were married 53 years when my grandfather passed away.  Did they have hard times in their marriage?  I’m sure they did.  Most couples do.   They built a legacy of hard work, commitment to each other and their family, faith and love that I hope to carry on.   Commitments should not be taken lightly as they are nowadays. They invested themselves into their grandchildren with their time and guidance. The solidity that a strong family unit  brings to the table is priceless. Ties to your family were to be maintained and nurtured. Something we really need a resurgence of.  To have your “ride or die” family members by your side through the ups and downs this life throws at any given moment is worth its weight in gold.  

Integrity is slowly vanishing from the vernacular of the current landscape.  Integrity is defined as being honest and having strong moral principles.  Somewhat of a code that you live by. It is having the option to do things the right way or wrong way, but choosing to do the right thing.  My grandparents had morals and standards which they passed onto me. Regardless of the riches you may or may not have, integrity is something that no amount of money can buy. Respect and integrity go hand in hand.  You earn it and you have it within you.  We live in a world today where it seems anything goes, and the growing attitude is…well, that’s just the way it is.  You know what?  It doesn’t have to be.  It wasn’t always that way, and now more than ever we need to circle back to the qualities that make up a person of substance. It is more important than ever to teach your children what integrity is, and the best way for them to learn is to see it in action.  Just as I grew up seeing how my grandparents conducted themselves.  Home is where it all begins.  If you think your child will learn integrity on the streets, you are sorely mistaken.  

With all that said…..I think it’s time for another Great Generation.  Most of us in Generation X had grandparents from the Greatest Generation, and we have that legacy within us.  In these times where work ethic, integrity, humility, commitment, and financial prudence are lacking, it’s time to get back to our roots.  I see couples starting off their marriages with over the top weddings and settling right into a home that took previous generations years to obtain.  There is power in the struggle.  My own marriage has been a journey.  We started off in a very small trailer until we were able to buy something better.  We got up each morning and went to work, and we still do.   At one time, we were both driving cars with no air conditioner.  We made do until we could do better.  Those hard times are what make you or break you.  The hard times made my husband and I stronger.  We became a team during those times.  With regards to our sons, we have instilled in them  that this world demands hard work.  We’ve had to work hard for what we have, and we expect them to do the same.  The worst thing a parent can do is to give their children their every heart’s desire, and let them believe this world owes them everything.  This world owes you nothing, and will chew you up, and spit you out.  They will enter the adult world at a severe disadvantage.  I don’t care what your religious beliefs and political standings are.  Just be a person of substance and standards in this chaotic world.  Guide the next generation.  We are all fighting our way through this life’s journey.  We can all be better together.  The hard work will pay dividends.

All the best,

Stella Elaine

#GreatestGeneration2.0

Granddaughter of the Greatest Generation

/ stella elaine / 1 Comment

Growing up, I always knew my grandparents were special.  They were a vital and integral part of my life.  Not until years later when I married, and had my own children, did I realize what a blessing it was to have had them in my life.  I can only hope to be half the grandparent they were to me.  I remember hearing about Tom Brokaw’s book The Greatest Generation, but at the time I don’t think I fully grasped the magnitude of how great that generation was.  Now more than ever I consider it an honor to have had their influence in my life. What made this generation born in the early 1900’s so special?  My reading on this topic indicates their personal responsibility, integrity, humility, work ethic, financial prudence, and faithful commitment are the key characteristics that make them stand out.  What are our current generations bringing to the table?  What generation are you from?  What are you bringing to the table? What will be the  legacy of your peers?  

  • The Greatest Generation — born 1901-1924
  • The Silent Generation — born 1925-1945
  • Baby Boomer Generation — born 1946-1964
  • Generation X — born 1965-1980
  • Generation Y — born 1981-1996
  • Generation Z — born 1997-2012
  • Generation Alpha — born 2013-2025

Work ethic is one that really stands out for me.  My grandparents were loving and caring, but most of all they prepared me for a world where I could hold my own.  I remember being put to work when I was at their house.  I learned to mow the grass, check the oil in a vehicle, cook, clean, wash their cars, and you most definitely did not sleep late.  It was rise and shine each morning.  I began living full-time with my grandparents at the age of 16.  Back in the 80’s most teenagers had a part-time job.  I had lofty dreams of getting a job at the mall.  That was where it was happening, and my perceived place for the perfect job.  I’ll never forget, my granddaddy came home one day, and informed me that I was to report to Harveys, our local supermarket, on Tuesday. He further informed me that I had a job as a cashier.  I wasn’t too thrilled, but I went.  Of course, I dressed in my Sunday best, and prissed on in there that next Tuesday morning.  To my dismay, I was given a green polyester uniform!  I look back now, and I know it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It gave my burgeoning work ethic a significant boost.  I learned how to deal with and communicate with co-workers and the public.  I was making my own money.  I also look back, and know that I am not above any type of honest work in order to provide for my family.  They and the generations before them knew that if you didn’t work, you didn’t eat.  Your hard work probably would not result in you being the richest man in the county, but you would be able to cover the needs of your family.  Just as my grandparents had done all through the years.  A conversation with my mother the other day brought to surface a phrase I have used with my boys numerous times over the years.  It was something that just spilled out when I was trying to give them a pep talk.  My mother was telling me when she was growing up her mother, my grandmother, would constantly tell her “Can’t never could.”  It was a lightbulb moment.  I had long forgotten that my grandmother probably told me the same thing when I was growing up, and it was forever ingrained in my psyche.  

Financial prudence…  Do we really know the meaning of such?  In our consumer driven world? We can’t wait to buy the newest cell phone.  Will it be an android or an iphone?  Are you driving the last model SUV or truck that Ford or Chevrolet has to offer?  Are you going broke keeping up with the Joneses?   My grandparent’s generation worked hard and saved.  I remember my grandmother saying she and my granddaddy did not have any furniture the first ten years of their married life.  One time when we were out driving, she showed me a little log cabin that they lived in during their early married years, and then a house they rented a room in. My grandmother said it was hard for couples with children to find a place to rent.  Most men in those days were the breadwinner, but oh, you can bet there was an equally hard working woman at home.  My grandmother maintained the household, but she also earned money by taking in sewing.  I remember being in my teen years, and by then the really tough times were behind my grandparents, but they never lost the frugality which had been part of their early years.  My grandmother, until the day she broke housekeeping, washed and reused ziplock bags and tin foil.  Something we wouldn’t even think of doing these days. Times were tough, but this generation would stand the test of time, and hit every obstacle head on.  

Humility… another great characteristic of this generation.  My grandparents had both grown up in rural north Georgia on farms.  My grandfather only attended school thru the 6th grade.  He was needed on the farm to help support his family.  My grandmother did attend school thru the 11th grade because that was as far as high school went at the time.  I remember her saying she had dreams of becoming a nurse, but her father said she’d had enough schooling.  That’s how things were back then.  My grandfather’s thirst for knowledge did not end in the 6th grade.  I have vivid memories of staying with my grandparents as a young child, and even as I grew older.  My grandfather would read from the encyclopedia every night.  He was one of the smartest men I have ever known.  There was no such thing as the world wide web then.  Although they grew up on farms, and left them behind when they went out into the world, they never forgot their roots.  My grandfather planted a garden until he was no longer able.  I asked my grandmother one time about the Great Depression.  I had been learning about it in school at the time.  It was presented as a really dire time in our history, and I am sure it was for a lot of people.  However, my grandmother’s response to my question was…”I never knew a depression was going on.  My family lived on a farm so we always had food.”  That really speaks to me now.  Most rural people did not live a glamorous life.  They worked hard and took care of their families. Having the latest fashions or the newest car was not even a factor in the equation.  The main focus was food on the table and a roof over your head.

Faithful commitment , yet  another quality of the Greatest Generation.  They came from a time where your word and commitment meant something.  They married, began their lives, and worked their way thru the good times and bad.  Was it easy?  No.  It never is.  Anything worthwhile takes a lot of hard work.  Days when you want to throw in the towel, and walk out the front door.  There are people that do.  There will always be circumstances where that might be the better choice, but for the most part, staying the course has so many rewards.  My grandparents were married 53 years when my grandfather passed away.  Did they have hard times in their marriage?  I’m sure they did.  Most couples do.   They built a legacy of hard work, commitment to each other and their family, faith and love that I hope to carry on.   Commitments should not be taken lightly as they are nowadays. They invested themselves into their grandchildren with their time and guidance. The solidity that a strong family unit  brings to the table is priceless. Ties to your family were to be maintained and nurtured. Something we really need a resurgence of.  To have your “ride or die” family members by your side through the ups and downs this life throws at any given moment is worth its weight in gold.  

Integrity is slowly vanishing from the vernacular of the current landscape.  Integrity is defined as being honest and having strong moral principles.  Somewhat of a code that you live by. It is having the option to do things the right way or wrong way, but choosing to do the right thing.  My grandparents had morals and standards which they passed onto me. Regardless of the riches you may or may not have, integrity is something that no amount of money can buy. Respect and integrity go hand in hand.  You earn it and you have it within you.  We live in a world today where it seems anything goes, and the growing attitude is…well, that’s just the way it is.  You know what?  It doesn’t have to be.  It wasn’t always that way, and now more than ever we need to circle back to the qualities that make up a person of substance. It is more important than ever to teach your children what integrity is, and the best way for them to learn is to see it in action.  Just as I grew up seeing how my grandparents conducted themselves.  Home is where it all begins.  If you think your child will learn integrity on the streets, you are sorely mistaken.  

With all that said…..I think it’s time for another Great Generation.  Most of us in Generation X had grandparents from the Greatest Generation, and we have that legacy within us.  In these times where work ethic, integrity, humility, commitment, and financial prudence are lacking, it’s time to get back to our roots.  I see couples starting off their marriages with over the top weddings and settling right into a home that took previous generations years to obtain.  There is power in the struggle.  My own marriage has been a journey.  We started off in a very small trailer until we were able to buy something better.  We got up each morning and went to work, and we still do.   At one time, we were both driving cars with no air conditioner.  We made do until we could do better.  Those hard times are what make you or break you.  The hard times made my husband and I stronger.  We became a team during those times.  With regards to our sons, we have instilled in them  that this world demands hard work.  We’ve had to work hard for what we have, and we expect them to do the same.  The worst thing a parent can do is to give their children their every heart’s desire, and let them believe this world owes them everything.  This world owes you nothing, and will chew you up, and spit you out.  They will enter the adult world at a severe disadvantage.  I don’t care what your religious beliefs and political standings are.  Just be a person of substance and standards in this chaotic world.  Guide the next generation.  We are all fighting our way through this life’s journey.  We can all be better together.  The hard work will pay dividends, and not just the financial kind.

All the best,

Stella Elaine

Follow me on Instagram (StellaElaine50) for updates on upcoming posts and also for words of encouragement.

#GreatestGeneration2.0