I knew this day would come.  It has been a special day in my life since 1976.  I received a special delivery, and my world was forever changed for the better.  I had prayed for that day to come, and it did.  From that day forward I was a big sister.  Today is my sister’s birthday.  She would have been 45.  Never in a million years would I have imagined that we would not grow old together.  We would not take more road trips together. We would not talk or text each other at least once a day.  I think about all the what might have beens, but all I have to hold onto is what we did have and the memories.  Forty-four years of ups, downs, joy, heartbreak, frustration, and boundless love.  We had forged through those times with fierce determination and a healthy sense of humor.   I can’t think of a birthday where we weren’t together or at a minimum spoke on the phone.  If we spoke on the phone, we were making plans as to when we would get together, what we would do to celebrate, and most of all, where we would go eat.  We have so many good memories.  Now, my sister is gone.  She passed away in November of last year.  I did not see the signs this time last year, but now looking back at our daily texts and pictures and recalling our daily conversations, my sister had begun the last leg of her journey. She had put up a tenacious fight, but she was growing weary of her arduous cancer battle.  

The first five years of my life I was an only child, as my sister would be my only sibling.  We were a pair from the time she showed up on the scene, and formed a bond that siblings can only dream of having.  The commonality of our life experience is what made us closer.  There was never jealousy or competition between us. If one of us was happy or sad so was the other.  We had battles ahead of us, and we would face them together.  Our parents divorced when I was almost six and she was about nine months old.  That was the beginning of our life with a mentally ill mother.  Another story or even a book for another time.  My sister and I throughout our life have been surrounded by loving and caring family members, as you will gather in my last blog post, “Granddaughter of the Greatest Generation.” Birthdays were always a happy time with cake, ice cream, gifts, family, and most often friends. 

A life well lived is what my sister had.  She was cute as a button when she was a small child. Our grandmother often called her “Sunshine,” and sing the song “You are My Sunshine” to her.  I’m sure the song was a favorite of my grandmother as it was a popular song during her younger years.  I was never jealous of her being called that because she was our Sunshine.   I, myself, sang it many nights to my boys rocking them to sleep.  My sister would kill me for telling this, but I often teased her about her “Buster Brown” haircut.  It had suited her to a T.  She was the most happy go lucky child.  She was even that way as an adult.  I know she had some down moments, but for the most part she was always positive, and  went with the flow.  We were side by side from the time she was born.  I was her protector.  I think the biggest disagreement we had as children was when I could not watch “The Incredible Hulk” because the Hulk scared her.  She would have bad dreams.  Needless to say, I got over it.  Later on during her countless hospitalizations and times of being homebound, I would be with her, and we would watch Food Network cooking shows.  Here she was, could not eat any real food, and we were watching Bobby Flay throw down in the kitchen.  Lots of irony in this thing we call life. 

My sister met her future husband in their senior year of high school, and they married the December after they graduated.  She hit the ground running with married life. She and her husband worked hard to build a life together.  She had two handsome sons who she doted on, and loved with all her being.  It breaks my heart to know that she will not be here to see her youngest son graduate from high school.  My sister loved children, and cared for her nephews and niece like they were her own.  We always thought it was ironic that she and I had sons, and had only grown up around girls.  Our grandfather, we knew deep down,  had wanted grandsons, but ended up with four grandgirls. He took us four grandgirls in stride, and taught us so much. To this day, I can hammer a nail like it’s nobody’s business.  My sister and I often talked about how proud our granddaddy would have been of our boys.  He had only lived long enough to see my oldest son.  I still remember the proud smile on his face when seeing my son for the first time.   One of my sister’s biggest regrets with her cancer diagnosis was that more than likely she would not live to see her grandchildren.  We had talked so many times about our grandparents, and what they meant to us. They had been excellent role models to us, and we hoped to live up to their example of what grandparents should be.

My sister leaves behind a husband, two sons, our mom, me and my family, her husband’s family, cousins, and a slew of friends.  The love she bestowed on those in her circle was boundless, and even overflowed to her precious fur babies.  I remember she had just been diagnosed with her colon cancer, and someone dropped three kittens off in her front yard.  I told her…”Mendy…now is not the time to take on more animals.”  I know I couldn’t have.  A cancer diagnosis is a large pill to swallow.  During her two plus years of battling cancer she had three dogs and three cats. However, on the days where she was home by herself, her furry companions provided true companionship for her.  Two of her dogs had to be put down during that time, and of all things, one of them had to be put down due to cancer.  Her favorite dog, Oscar (still living) was by her side constantly during her battle.  When the final days were at hand, he was right by her side.  Dogs know.  My husband and I also had to put down our dog of 10 years due to cancer.  To me, it was about too much. Our vet gave us options which were costly and not guaranteed.  I was trying day by day to process my sister’s diagnosis, and the fight for her life that ensued. My sister came first.  My focus was on my sister, but my sister was an animal lover from way back.  I think she was hooked when our cat growing up had kittens in her bedroom closet.  In another life or if given the opportunity in this life, she would have made one heck of a veterinarian.  That’s how life is.  No fairness at times.  You just get up each day, and give it all you’ve got.   You realize no matter what we dream or hope for, your path can go in directions you never imagined.  Some of those paths will be hard.  Very hard.

Not only was my sister tight with her family, she was surrounded by what I would call a posse of girlfriends.  They often got together at each other’s houses to grill out or for lasagne.  They might go out to eat somewhere that featured trivia night.  One of her special friends arranged to have butterflies released at my sister’s graveside during her final rites.  My sister loved butterflies, and it was a loving final gesture of her friend.   She was also loved by her co-workers from the jobs she had held over the years.  They were part of her circle, and they loved her as much as she loved them.  

We none know the timeline of our lives.  I think we all just assume we have forever, and there will always be another tomorrow.  I hate to break it to you, but we don’t have forever, and our lives can change on a dime.  Michael Landon, who played the role of Pa (Charles Ingalls) on Little House on the Prairie, was a favorite of mine.  He was diagnosed years ago at the age of 54 with pancreatic cancer.  He was quoted at the time saying “Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying.  Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day.  Do it! I say.  Whatever you want to do, do it now!  There are only so many tomorrows.”  It’s sad that it takes a terminal diagnosis for any of us to realize the true value of living a purposeful and fulfilling life.  It’s almost like a wake up call.  You better get with it.  The clock is ticking!! Life is unyielding.  There are days when this life will kick you in the teeth, and sometimes repeatedly.  Do your dangdest (disclosure if you haven’t figured it out– I’m Southern) to fill your life with love, happiness, hard work, and determination.  Give it all you’ve got.   I remember losing my grandfather when I was in my 20’s.  It was a devastating loss.  He had played such a consequential role in my life.  My grandmother passed away at the age of 88.  Fourteen years after my grandfather. She too, had a remarkable impact on my life, but I had watched her decline, and her quality of life deteriorate.  She was give out, as people say, and ready to go on to her reward.  I had peace about that.  She had lived a full life, and given all of herself that she had to give. Love, time, patience, and guidance.

Coming to terms with the passing of my sister is a journey.  I was going to say “has been a journey,” but I still struggle day to day knowing that she is not coming back.  Some days are better than others.    There are days when I think..”I need to call my sister.” but knowing I can’t will bring tears to my eyes.  Time does lessen the pain of losing her, but it never completely goes away.  I hold onto the quote from Lord Tennyson’s poem “In Memorium 16.”  “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  I am beyond grateful for the years I had with my sister.  My life and the lives of so many others are richer because of the time my sister spent on this earth.  She has left a tremendous void, but the love she has left behind will carry us all through.  She will not grow old with me as I just assumed she would.  She is forever 44.

Happy Birthday Sunshine.