I was reading an article when I woke up one morning earlier this week.  Something I do most mornings in an effort to ease into the day.  My sweet disposition has to percolate and come to fruition like my morning coffee.  My reading that morning referenced middle aged people.  It got me to thinking…what age is considered middle aged?  Well….let me tell you.  Middle age covers the ages from 45-65.  It was a light bulb moment for me!  I’ve been middle aged for five years, and didn’t know it!!  That might explain some things.  Some changes in my body, my mind, my taste, and my attitude.  Recently, my husband and I were sitting on the couch one evening after work talking.  I made some remark.  His reply was “you’ve gotten a little bit salty.”  I guess he was talking about my sassiness which is more prevalent these days.  I later told a friend close to my age what my husband had said.  Her response was…”well, if I see a Salt Life sticker on the back of your SUV, it’s safe to assume it’s not about your love of the beach.”  We both laughed.  So with all that said, let’s talk about what these middle years bring to the table now that I’m apparently five years deep into this chapter of my life. 

The focus always seems to be on the Big 50, but now I am thinking the emphasis needs to be placed on the Big 45.  Attention…you have now entered the Middle Years of your life!   There’s a newsflash that would have gotten my attention.  Sure, I’ve been feeling my age.  Hearing the snap crackle pops when I get up in the morning.  Don’t get me started on the gray hair.  The last few years I’ve gone through phases of accepting it’s arrival to… it’s time to cover that mess up.  Don’t even mention my eyesight.  I recently thought to myself…I need to put a magnifying glass in my kitchen to read medicine bottles, recipes, and instructions on that box of brownie mix. My eye doctor asked me last year if I was ready to transition to bifocals.  I thought to myself…”have you lost your mind man?!” You’re talking to a person who was in denial at the age of 30 when I was told I needed glasses. Giving no thought to the fact that both my parents and all of my grandparents wore glasses.  I even teased my husband when the AARP junk mail started showing up when he turned 50 a couple of years ago.  I was oblivious that 50 was sneaking up on me, and middle age completely sneaked (snunk sounds better down South) up on me, and had been flying really low on my radar. This new, at least to me, revelation got me to thinking.  What has happened in my life the past five years to the point that I completely missed the memo that I was now “officially” middle aged.

 A few major events did happen in 2016.  My husband and I sold our “dream” house that we had built 12 years earlier.  It had taken us three years to sell.  Maybe subconsciously, we sensed change was in the air.  Middle age was approaching, and our dreams were changing. Dreams, hope, and goals are what have carried my husband and I through thirty plus years of marriage.  Our dreams may change, but our commitment to pushing forward never diminishes.  I remember the conversation between my husband and I.  We loved our neighborhood, but decided we were not neighborhood people.  It had been a great neighborhood to raise our boys in, but we were ready for some wide open spaces.  My husband loves animals and  working in the yard.  We lived in a small trailer in a trailer park when we first got married.  No..we were not trailer trash, and if we were, we were classy trailer trash. Making our way in the world.  No mama and daddy money.  We didn’t have much, but I guarantee you we had the best yard in the park, and our yard has been that way everywhere we have ever lived since.  We also thought a move to the country would be good for our boys.  Fishing, hunting, and dirt road living.  I know it’s not for everyone, but it is for us.  So here we are still working on making that dream a reality.  We will hopefully build the home that will carry us into our Senior years (say what?!) in the near future.  In 2017, my mother went through a rough medical patch.  To the point that my sister and I were looking at personal care homes for her.  My sister and I were having to help our mother with grocery shopping, doctor visits, paying bills, etc.  Thankfully, our mom bounced back, but I still help her as needed.  Then came a major blow in 2018 as I have discussed in my previous blog posts.  My sister was diagnosed with colon cancer at the age of 42.  That turned our world upside down. Funny how things can really go sideways in a very unexpected way.  As a family, we are still coming to terms with her loss this past November.  You might say I was too distracted by life to even realize this new juncture of life had crept up on me. We have lost family and friends that we loved dearly. These life events change you.  They shape you.  I was busy living and surviving.

So where are you at 50?  Did middle age sneak up on you?  By 50, you should have enough life experience under your belt to know what truly brings you joy and contentment.  That doesn’t mean that you will not continue to grow and evolve as a person, but you should have a better understanding of yourself. It won’t be like your teens and 20’s where you were floundering around trying to find your way.  I look back on some of my decisions wondering what in the world was I thinking?!  I tell myself.. “You were doing the best you knew how.” I was still in training.  I’m sure we can all say we are not the same people we once were.  By this time in life most of us have given marriage a go at least once.  More for some people.  You have a better idea of what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship and life in general.  I know it took years for my husband and I to fine tune the marriage we have now, and I can honestly say it’s been worth it.  Most of us at this age have children. I have two sons.  My boys are older, and don’t need me as much as they used to.  However, they are quick to ask me to cook their favorite meal or dessert.  Gotta feed the beasts.  Some of my peers even have grandchildren. I’m not rushing that one for the time being.  A lot of us have parents that are older, and now require help from us.  So…there is a constant pull from family, children, our parents, and work.  It is always about finding balance.  Keeping all the balls that you’re juggling in the air. 

 At this age, I find myself withdrawing from the rat race.  I don’t feel the need to impress anyone, and I am not impressed by much.  However, I am very impressed by  well-mannered and courteous people with a work ethic.  Something in short supply these days.  I thoroughly enjoy my morning commute once I have dropped my youngest son and his friend off at school. Time for me. Time to pull myself together and brace myself for the crazy demanding work day ahead.  Time for coffee and a tidbit of a podcast.  Podcasts?  That is a fairly new favorite way to pass time for me.  Lunch time?  No fanfare for me.  When I do go to lunch with a friend or two in my core group,  we are truly engaged in discussing what is going on in each other’s lives.  I could care less about their new shoes or pocketbook (or is it purse?).  We discuss our children, our jobs, our frustrations, and our joys.  Most days you can find me in solitude on my lunch break.  Sitting in my car, eating my lunch, and maybe watching a Cooking with Brenda Gantt video. It doesn’t bother me one bit to sit right there in my car by myself.   I would call this “me” time.  Time to veg out, but it’s really not.  It’s me tuning into what I really want. Taking time to soothe my sometimes weary soul.  This age brings about a better understanding of yourself and those you choose to surround yourself with because face it, we don’t have time or patience for anything else.  

Fifty…the BIG 50.  The first quarter of my middle years are done.  I know where I’ve been, and I have a better sense of where I am going.  Even with that, I also know that our paths can diverge or divert to another route at a moment’s  notice.  As the saying goes..”Life happens.”  It’s in the happening that you should find your balance.  Your equilibrium.  Even though times may be uncertain, you’ve been in uncharted waters before, but you now have the knowledge and experience to guide you through.  Some might call it getting a little long in the tooth.  I’ll take that.  I’ve earned it.  Choppy waters are not unknown to me.  I do know I have always come out on the other side.  Maybe a little worse for wear, but I made it. I bounce back stronger than ever.  I have survived every bad day and event that has happened in my life thus far.   I’m going to hit this 6th decade of my life head on.  Embrace it and keep moving forward.  There’s no going back.

All the best,

Stella Elaine