My husband and I were riding down the dirt road to our small farm recently.  He looked over at me and said “You know before long it will be just me and you again.”  I sat there.  Digesting what he had just said.  How long had it been since it was just the two of us?  Our oldest will be 29 in the next few months.  So…almost knocking on three decades since it had been just the two of us. I can barely recall LBK.  Short for Life Before Kids.  Our youngest has recently started driving and working his first job.  Lately, on Saturday mornings, we have found ourselves at Waffle House or the local donut shop grabbing some breakfast and coffee.  No kids to worry about.  Just me and my main man.  As we have entered our fourth decade of marriage, it has me pondering and thinking, what efforts, grace, forbearance, forgiveness, and love have gone into creating our love for a lifetime?  Let’s dive in and talk about it.

My husband and I were high school sweethearts.  We started dating our senior year of high school.  We were from the same town, but went to different schools.  He was very quiet.  I was more talkative, but still very naive.  (Girls…watch out for those quiet ones.)  We came from homes where our parents had divorced.  Mine when I was fairly young, and his when he was a teenager.  We started dating.  At that age, you are not really concerned with what you have in common.  Likes, dislikes, etc.  We were dating, and I was wearing his big honking class ring on my index finger.  I don’t even think that is a thing anymore.  I had gone big time.  He was my first serious relationship.  Fast forward.  We married during my second year of college.  No fancy wedding for us. We were married at our local Courthouse. We don’t have the first picture of that monumental day.  So much unlike today where prom pictures are better than any wedding pictures taken back in the day.  So… we hit the road running with married life, and began the life of love we have created together.

I am sure many of you are thinking…what in the world?!  Who would marry their first boyfriend at such a young age?  Would I advise for it or against it?  I do know that when people set their mind to something, it is very hard to convince them otherwise.  That’s life, and experience is the best teacher.   I will tell you, as I have told my sons, especially my youngest, to date different people.  Figure out what you like, don’t like, and what you can and cannot tolerate.  Find common ground with the person you intend to spend your life with.  That does not mean you will have all the same interests.  I love to read and write.  My husband loves gardening, flowers, animals, and the great outside.  We both love a good movie or television series.  We look forward to Estate sales (another story for another time).  Riding dirt roads and sipping on a big guzzler of sweet tea makes my heart go pitter patter.  The two of us riding along, discussing our week at work, our dreams, our worries, or just cruising down the road quietly enjoying each other’s company.  We respect each other’s space and individuality, but together, we’re a super power.  We know each other’s weaknesses and strengths.  We compliment each other. 

Smooth sailing.  That might describe other couples’ marriages.  Not ours. We’re more of a white water rafting type couple.  Smooth waters at times, then watch out.  Rapids around the bend.  There have been bumps in the road, moments of discontent, times of frustration, sleep deprivation, money struggles, and stressful jobs, but always there has been love.  Have we gone to bed angry?  You can bet your bottom dollar.  We’re human.  Have there been days when we didn’t like each other much?  That’s a 10-4.  Through it all, just like everything else in our life, we have given each day all we have.  Some days more than others, but we consistently have gotten up each day, and tried our best.  I know for a fact there were days that I was not easy to love, and days where I was at my wits end with my husband.  We just rocked along, and at some point it kicked in.  We were in it for the long haul.  The saying the grass is greener where you water it….that’s true.  Put your time and energy in your family.  You will never regret it.  Our love, appreciation, and respect for each other and the life we created together have grown exponentially over the years.  We are drawing the dividends on the time and effort we have put into our love of a lifetime.  

I have visited with a friend of mine a few times over the past couple of weeks.  She recently lost her husband of 60 years.  Sixty years?!  With one man.  You do not hear those numbers much these days.  During one of my visits, she described her husband’s final moments.  It brought me to tears.  Made it real for me because I know one day there is a strong possibility that either I will be by my husband’s side as he takes his last breath or he will be by my side as I take my final breath.  That is hard for me to even wrap my head around.  We always assume the people we love will always be present in our lives.   She has told me before about when she and her husband were first starting out.  No fancy wedding for them.  They were married in the living room of the local preacher’s home with her mother and brother present, then went to the beach for a one night honeymoon.  It was then time to set up housekeeping, and get to work.  Living and building that love of a lifetime.  Eventually, I plan to ask her.  Did those 60 years go by fast?  In the back of my mind, I keep thinking.  I am going to blink, and my husband and I will have 60 years under our belt.  Reminds me of a constant life lesson that we all need to take heed of …cherish every moment.  Those small seemingly insignificant moments will mean the world to you one day.

My youth pastor from years ago posted this (see below) a while back on Facebook.  I remember reading, and thinking “well, that’s all good in theory,” and even commented something along the lines that married life is about continuing to grow and adjusting to one another as a couple.  He replied to my comment “Unfortunately, most don’t try long enough to achieve the blessings of a long marriage.”  That is very true.  You do need to discuss important topics, points of view, expectations, family, etc., but your discussion will only be as good as who you are at the moment.  As you age, grow as a person, get some life experience under your belt, your views, maturity, perception, and outlook on life will change.  The goal is to find someone who is willing to charter those unknown waters with you.   Hopefully, somewhere along the way, you will realize….the two of you are building a solid foundation of love.  As I have said before, anything worthwhile takes a lot of hard work.  Marriage demands lots of love, but don’t forget to throw in plenty of patience, forbearance, tolerance, tenacity, endurance, faith in a higher power, and last, but not least….a healthy sense of humor.  Some days, you just have to laugh through the tears.  My best advice is to find that special someone, dig your heels in, and give it everything you’ve got.  I promise you.  It will all be worth it.

Love to all, 

  Stella Elaine  

P.S.  That young fella I met years ago that hardly said a word….well…. he can now talk a blue streak.  My how times have changed, and like any good wife, I just smile and listen.